


the way it is

by atemzug



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Light Angst, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, dating class au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29821881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atemzug/pseuds/atemzug
Summary: The world is small, and time is short, and Minho is tired of holding everything back.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28
Collections: MINSUNG BINGO: Round Two





	the way it is

**Author's Note:**

> written for **[@minsungbingo](https://twitter.com/minsungbingo) round 2**, fill for: au - college/university 
> 
> [this is dating class](https://mydramalist.com/35167-necessary-dating-education) (you can watch a trailer [here](https://youtu.be/N0b_JZ8AvVA), but basically, in this webdrama there's a "dating class" in their university). particularly, this story is inspired by the character taejin's storyline (which was my favorite of all the storylines in this webdrama! anyway, i think [this episode](https://youtu.be/VvJNc8jK9Hw) pretty much sums up their backstory, in case you're interested).
> 
> i edited this as best as i could but i'm sure there are errors and mistakes that i missed, so apologies in advance for that!

The moment Minho enters the room for that stupid class his friends somehow managed to rope him into taking, he wants to turm around and run.

“I’m in the wrong classroom,” he tells the instructor, who fixes him a stare too long for comfort.

“No, you’re not,” the instructor, a bespectacled middle aged man Minho knows as Lee Jeonghoon. 

“I’m dropping this class, then,” Minho replies. He tries not to sound icy, having mastered the act of fake nonchalance, but his voice still comes out clipped. 

Lee Jeonghoon sighs, tired, as if he’s gone through this a million times before. “Fine,” he lets out. He takes the pen from his pocket and picks up a clipboard on top of the lectern. 

Before he can cross Minho’s name out, and before Minho himself can exit the room, one of his friends calls him out.

“Yah, Lee Minho!” Yein’s voice booms inside the room, tuning out the hushed murmurs of the students. “What do you think you’re doing? Get your ass over here.”

Minho looks over to her; she's at the very last row, and beside her is Yeeun, who's kind enough to look apologetic, and beside Yeeun is Hyunggu, who looks all but pleased at Minho's actions. His gaze goes back to the instructor, staring back at him with raised eyebrows, pen hovering a centimeter above paper.

Resigned, he rolls his eyes and huffs out his cheeks. 

He walks over to his friends — careful not to make eye contact with the boy sitting at the very front, occupying the seat nearest the door. 

This is going to be a long semester.

  
  
  
  
  


"Don't you think it would be weird if we were all paired with each other?" Yein asks over drinks, one night after a particularly taxing day.

"Would you rather be paired with your ex?" Yeeun counters, sounding genuinely curious. 

Yein shoots her a glare. It lasts barely a second, her gaze softening almost as soon as it lands on Yeeun's flushed face. "No," Yein exhales.

Hyunggu pours her a shot.

At times, Minho is reminded of how impossibly, excruciatingly small the world is. There are so many universities in the city, but why do Lee Minho, Kang Hyunggu, Jung Yein, and Jang Yeeun all go to the same one? There are so many classes offered in this university, but why do they have to meet Yein's ex-boyfriend in a class they took out of lack of a better choice? There are so many people in this stupid Dating Class, but why does Minho have to be paired up with Han Jisung for an activity that involves spending time together to get to know each other? 

Minho drinks straight from the bottle, the glass icy against his lips, the alcohol burning down his throat.

_ The world is so stupidly small, _ he thinks. Why does Jisung have to be sitting at a table across theirs, at an angle that makes him so visible to Minho, laughing at something one of his friends whispered in his ear? 

"Yah." Hyunggu stops him from taking another swig. "You're not having me drag your ass to our dorm."

Minho scoffs. "I should be saying that to you," he retorts. 

"Minho's tolerance is high," Yein points out. "It's Yeeunie we have to worry about."

As if on cue, Yeeun's head falls on Hyunggu's shoulder. 

Minho downs the contents of the bottle in his hand, wishing his tolerance for other things is as high as it is for alcohol. 

  
  
  
  


"Hi," Jisung mumbles. He's standing in front of Minho's desk, a good foot away. He keeps shifting his weight between his feet, eyes darting around awkwardly.

Minho feels so tired.

"Sit down," he tells Jisung. 

He's too tired.

"I don't bite."

Jisung takes the seat beside him. "I know," he says quietly. 

Half the semester has passed, and Minho's been doing good at pretending everything's alright. Only two more months of fooling himself, and he's rid of Jisung's racking presence again. Minho just has to keep his heart inside his ribcage for a little more time, alone and beating steadily, rhythmically, making it easier for him to breathe.

But right now, Minho is just too tired, and Jisung is too close.

So he allows himself a glance. 

He shouldn't have.

Jisung catches his eyes, and Minho is so exhausted that he can only hold his gaze. 

"Hyung," Jisung practically breathes out, searing its way straight through Minho's chest. 

It's been so long since Minho's guard was last let down; he almost forgot how it feels to  _ feel,  _ and not be ashamed of it. He looks at Jisung, whose face is just the same as Minho remembers. Jisung, whose eyes are full of questions unasked and questions unanswered. Jisung, who Minho's been in love with pretty much from the moment they became friends at an after-school-academy during Minho's second year in high school and Jisung's last in middle school. 

Jisung, who Minho ran away from for both of their sake.

It's been so long— since Minho first kissed Jisung; since Minho graduated high school and moved cities without as much as a goodbye; since Minho's dad turned away from him, leaving him only a malicious glare as a remembrance; since Minho swore to himself that he'll never make the same mistake of falling, too fast, too hard, breaking his heart in the process.

"Minho-hyung," Jisung repeats. 

It's been so long, but time is still so short. Minho can't forget the walls he's built, the distance he's maintained. Not yet.

"That's  _ sunbae _ for you."

  
  
  
  
  


Minho remembers the night his father stopped speaking to him clearly. He tells himself he doesn't care. He's doing fine right now. His parents are divorced, and when he had to stop living with his dad, his mom had no problem taking him in. He's not angry; he feels indifferent about it, most times. Sometimes, though, it keeps him awake at night.

That night was the most pivotal moment in his life. The night he stopped hiding, started living his life the way he felt he needed to — even if it also meant losing people he cared about.

There are times Minho wonders if he shouldn't have done it, kissed Jisung outside of his apartment. He clearly wasn't thinking that night. Or maybe he was, and he was just being selfish. Maybe it was because he was allowed to drink alcohol for the first time that night, and seeing Jisung was just too much for his heart to bear. 

If Minho hadn't done it, his dad wouldn't have left in anger and disgust and, worst of all, disappointment. And he wouldn't have had to avoid Jisung for the rest of his stay at the academy. 

If Minho hadn't done it, he would still be living under pretense right now, in the shackles of false beliefs and unmet expectations, without anyone seeing who he truly is beneath the surface.

If Minho hadn't done it, he would still have Jisung.

If Minho hadn't done it, he wouldn't have this freedom.

It seems unfair that the most pivotal moment in his life was both the best and worst, but what is the world if not unfair to people like him? 

  
  
  
  
  


If the world wasn't small, then Minho wouldn't have to be sitting beside Jisung for fifty minutes twice a week, listening to Lee Jeonghoon drone on about the ups and downs of love as if he knew what it was and what it meant.

Most times, Minho doesn't care.

Sometimes, resentment bubbles in his stomach, threatening to come out of his lips.

So he breathes in deep and tunes everything out, only coming back to the present when someone pats him on the back. 

"Earth to Minho." Yein waves a hand in front of his face. "You awake?"

Minho swats the hand away. "What do you need?" he asks, a little too hostile even for his own liking.

"Yah, why are you so angry, huh?"

"Did you not like the lecture?" Yeeun muses. She has a way of asking questions that makes her sound like she just really wants to know the answer. And maybe Minho can't blame Hyunggu for looking at her in a way that made his eyes seem so open and readable, all the answers to her questions bared behind his eyelids.

_ Too familiar, _ Minho thinks, and he has to look away.

Few things he and Hyunggu have in common: dance, living in a small world, feeling rushed by the ticking clock, wanting too much then needing to hold back much more. Minho finds comfort in it, but detests it nonetheless.

  
  
  
  
  


_ Stupid, _ Minho thinks.  _ This class is fucking stupid, and I shouldn't have taken it.  _

He's in front of all his classmates, sitting face to face with Jisung for some goddamn activity Lee Jeonghoon must be making him do just to torture him. 

"Every breakup gives you time for introspection, which in turn hardens the muscles of your heart," Lee Jeonghoon tells the class. "Going through breakups, saying goodbye, that's something people have to go through in order to grow. Sometimes it's necessary, yes, when things just really don't work anymore." A pause. "Other times, it's just people being too lazy to make things work, or too detached to even care." 

Minho thinks,  _ People can't really be eating this shit up. Not from him.  _

"That said," Lee Jeonghoon announces, "I want you to create a little skit, pretending you're breaking up. The circumstances are up to you, but one of you should want to break things off, while the other doesn't."

It's a cruel joke that the universe is playing on Minho. This situation. This entire class. Everything. Minho wants nothing more than to just up and leave and never set foot in this room again. Instead, he's stuck in place, Jisung's gaze a prison he can't break away from. The tip of his tongue sits in between his teeth— even that, he can't seem to move. 

Just when the silence seems too heavy for Minho to bear, Jisung clears his throat. 

He’s scared of what Jisung might say. 

"I don't want you to go, hyung," Jisung starts, and Minho is struck by how sincere he sounds. "I don't know what I did wrong, but I don't want you to go."

He’s scared of what he might say back. 

"I have to," he forces himself to reply.

"Why?"

Everything stills, as if everyone is anticipating  _ why Minho has to go. _ Everyone is too into this, and Minho feels so uncomfortably bare, like he’s standing naked in front of people he doesn’t know, like his anguish is free for all of them to consume. 

Every breath he takes is heavy against his chest, loud against his ears.

He’s scared of what he’s going to say back. 

"Because I love you." 

  
  
  
  
  


Minho has been restless since that stupid little breakup skit.

When he goes to class, he shrugs it off, tells people he was just copying something from some drama he's never even seen. Doesn't matter, though; everyone loves that melodramatic angst that just always seems misplaced to Minho. But it really doesn't matter, because everyone buys it.

He would've even fooled himself, too, if it weren't for Jisung.

Jisung is just as restless as Minho. He steals glances far too obvious for Minho not to notice. He opens his mouth as if to say something, only to close it again. He goes about their activities as quickly as possible, and rushes outside as soon as the lecture is over. 

It's weird, and it's so unlike Jisung — but what would Minho know? They've been apart so long. Minho's been gone so long, that what he knew about Jisung might not be true anymore. 

When Minho runs into Jisung in the convenience store, he almost asks if Jisung is okay. Because despite everything, he still cares, and he's still worried. 

Despite everything, it's still true.

Minho loves Jisung.

And the more Minho sees Jisung this way — distressed, small, unsure of himself, every day a little more lifeless than the last — the more Minho's heart clenches inside his chest, the more his heart just wants to explode with all the emotions he's been afraid to let himself feel and all the words he's been terrified to let slip past his lips. 

But things aren't as simple as asking Jisung whether he's alright or not. So Minho only walks past Jisung, barely sparing a glance.

Despite himself, Minho hopes Jisung sees everything that lies behind his eyes in the split second they meet each other's gaze.

  
  
  
  
  


"You should talk to him, you know?" Hyunggu tells Minho when they're lying in the adjacent beds inside their room, both staring at the ceiling, its paint already cracked and peeling.

"Talk to who?" Minho replies.

There are two answers possible: Lee Jeonghoon or Han Jisung.

Hyunggu takes his time to decide.

They're not the closest of friends, but the two of them have known each other long enough for Hyunggu to know things about Minho that no other people do. 

For one, Hyunggu knows that Lee Jeonghoon is Minho's father. Minho doesn’t even know how he found out, but Minho didn’t question it anymore.

Hyunggu also knows the entire thing about Minho and Jisung , even without Minho having to say anything. Granted, Hyunggu used to attend the same dance academy with Minho and Jisung, too, but Minho thinks it has more to do with them being in very similar situations than anything else.

Maybe that's why they easily became friends, despite barely having anything in common aside from dancing. Minho doesn't have to explain everything; Hyunggu doesn’t need Minho to. It works well — too well, even to the point that sometimes, when Minho lies awake at night, he dares to entertain the idea of liking Hyunggu more than a friend, but ultimately nothing comes out of it. Their relationship works well  _ as friends _ ; nothing more, nothing less.

That’s how friendships are supposed to go.

“Both of them,” Hyunggu finally says. “Talk to your dad, then talk to your friend. Or the other way around.”

“Maybe if you talk to Yeeun first, I’ll consider it,” Minho replies.

“You know I can’t.”

Minho stays silent, because he does. But sometimes he also can’t help but wonder, if maybe it  _ could  _ be worth the shot. Maybe friendship  _ can _ develop into something more, and maybe they’re allowed to feel something deeper, and maybe they’re allowed to want something else. 

Minho turns to his side, facing Hyunggu. 

“You should try.”

  
  
  
  
  


Minho skips the class for two consecutive meetings.

He finds out later from Hyunggu that his dad was looking for him.

"Han Jisung was looking for you, too," Hyunggu adds before slipping into the shower.

Minho stares at his phone. There's a message from Yein in their KaTalk group chat reading,  _ 'Professor Lee was looking for you. Are you his favorite student now, or something? o_O' _ and a message from Yeeun,  _ 'Are you ill? I hope you're not! ><'  _

He leaves them both on read and goes through his conversation tabs. A few scrolls down — buried underneath unimportant and insignificant messages from equally unimportant and insignificant people — Minho's thumb hovers over a familiar ID. He clicks on their conversation. The most recent message only reads,  _ 'Be there in 10,' _ from Minho. 

If he scrolls up, up, up, he'll find more messages from years ago. He should've deleted all of them, but they're the only thing of  _ his and Jisung's _ that he can keep and hold onto. 

The semester is almost over. Minho's done a well enough job at keeping everything inside. There were slips here and there; moments where his guard was down around Jisung for a second too long, enough for Jisung to notice him looking; times when his heart used to beat so loudly and quickly that he was afraid it would come out of his chest and hit Jisung in the face. 

There were times he was so close to breaking — like right now.

_ 'I fucking miss you,'  _ he subconsciously types out. His thumb pauses above the Send a fraction of a second before he can press it. He ends up pressing the Backspace button instead.

He managed not to break all these years. A few more weeks shouldn't be hard.

Except it  _ is  _ hard. 

**_han_j1:_ ** _ hyung _

**_han_j1:_ ** _ *sunbae. sorry. _

**_han_j1:_ ** _ u werent in class the whole week… are u ok? _

**_han_j1:_ ** _ we have an activity were supposed to do over the weekend _

**_han_j1:_ ** _ but it’s fine if u need to rest, ill tell professor lee u werent feeling well _

And it’s all Minho can do not to fall apart.

**_yi_mino:_ ** _ i’ll meet u _

  
  
  
  
  


No matter how hard Minho tries not to think about it, how the semester flew by in a blur of buried feelings and unsaid apologies, he still does. 

Jisung was not the only person Minho was paired up with. If Minho were more enthusiastic about the class, he might have enjoyed getting to know people. But it feels like he just spent the past few months sitting through lectures, listening to his dad talk about love, questioning whether he knows anything about it at all, trying not to explode. 

Now he can’t shake the feeling that he just wasted what precious, fleeting time he was given.

"You're free to take the rest of the month off," Lee Jeonghoon announces, much to the joy of everyone. "It's up to you if you still want to meet up with your latest partners. There will also be no final examinations, but I ask everyone—" he looks directly at Minho "—to be present on the last day of class. That would be all. I'll see you in a few weeks. Good luck on everything else."

The professor leaves, and the room erupts in joyous laughter and exclamations. 

Minho should feel relieved now that he doesn't have to meet, or as much as see, Jisung every week anymore. He only feels empty.

"Sunbae." Jisung smiles at him, genuine and true. "It was nice. The semester. With you. And Mr. Lee was — he was good."

"Yeah," Minho replies. "Sure."

"I hope…" Jisung sighs. "I hope we'd still see each other around."

Minho doesn't know if he wants that or not. He's afraid if he sees Jisung again, outside of the comfort of the classroom’s formal setting, away from the pretense that he's only doing this — meeting up and talking and basically getting to know Jisung all over again — for class activities, he might not be able to take it.

  
  
  
  
  


It's at the end of the semester that Minho finally breaks.

He's honestly kind of amazed he made it this far.

"Sunbae." Jisung finds him out for a smoke outside the bar they both just came out of. 

Minho pretends he doesn't hear.

"Minho-hyung," Jisung calls this time.

Maybe it's the alcohol reaching Minho's brain, slowly making him defenseless, tearing down his already shaky walls. "What?" he answers Jisung, resignation settling in his stomach.

"Hyung." Jisung sounds so small and unsure.

Minho's heart breaks, not for the first time.

"What is it?"

Jisung takes a deep breath and goes for it. "I just wanna know why —"

"Why  _ what _ ?"

"Why you stopped talking to me!" Jisung's breathing heavily now, eyes shining with unshed tears, and Minho has to look away because there's barely any self-control left in him. "Hyung," Jisung squeaks. "What did I do? Why did you stop being my friend? What did I do?"

Minho takes a deep breath. The night smells of past mistakes and future regrets. He exhales slowly, counting down from ten to one until his heartbeat steadies and the lump in his throat is bearable. 

"Nothing," he finally admits. He finally looks at Jisung, too, whose eyes are shining brighter than the moonlight, tears now falling from them like stars. Everything seems to spite Minho, to tell him this is all his fault.

"Then why did you leave?" Jisung lets out quietly. "Hyung, why —"

"Because I can't do this, Jisung."

"Do what?" 

"Me — you — this — whatever this is."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't love you, Jisung, okay?" Minho lets out. "That's it. You happy now?"

Jisung gapes at him for what feels like a lifetime. Then, "But why?"

And it's Minho's turn to gape. "Because you're — you're not —"

But Minho doesn't get to finish his sentence, much less his train of thought, because Jisung cuts him off with a kiss.

_ Jisung kisses him. _

Minho wants to say he's able to push Jisung away, stop himself from doing something he's sure would bite him back later — but  _ no. _ What he's doing instead is pulling Jisung in by the collar, biting down on his lip and licking inside his mouth, running fingers through his hair the way he's always imagined but tried so hard to push to the very back of his mind. 

But the world is too small, and time is too short, and Minho is just too tired of holding everything back.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> thank you also @ mod for minsung bingo round 2! ♡♡♡
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/crashingfalling)


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